Tag Archives: Depression

10 Signs Your Marriage Might Be Depressed

depressed marriageA depressed marriage?  What is that?  Just like you can become depressed over the loss of someone you love or the economy can become depressed over a real estate financial crisis, so your marriage can suffer from depression.  A depression in your marriage however does not mean that your marriage is over rather it is a low period in a series of highs and lows which occur in every marriage.  Here are some signs that you might be going through a depressed marriage:

  1. Difficulty making even minor decisions let alone major decisions without an argument.
  2. Intimacy such as hand holding, sitting close together, or kissing becomes more routine (if it exists at all) rather than heart-felt.
  3. Lack of desire to spend any time together; prefer to spend free time alone.
  4. One or both of you has already spoken of getting a divorce or separating.
  5. The excitement in your marriage is gone; you don’t look forward to seeing or hearing from each other.
  6. Conversation is limited to the bare essentials of scheduling, managing the house, and checking in.  No longer are there conversations about the things you are passionate about.
  7. You intentionally avoid your spouse and notice your spouse avoiding you.
  8. Fantasies of other partners, what you would do if your spouse passes away, or the peace that could come from separating begins to consume your thoughts.
  9. You or your spouse finds reasons not to spend the night in your bed, you don’t go to bed at the same time, or you put physical boundaries such as pillows between you.
  10. No sex or interest in sex.

Your Choice.  Once you realize that your marriage might be depressed, you have a choice in your response.  You can reflect and learn from the depression or you can shut down and run from your marriage.  Option one allows the possibility that your marriage can come out of this depression even stronger.  Think again about the real estate depression and how much was learned from the mistakes of over-valuing homes, over-lending from banks, and over-mortgaging a house.  Option two will most likely end up in divorce court.

Reflecting.  It is helpful if both of you are engaged and honest in this process of reflecting on the state of your marriage.  However, that is not always practical as usually one spouse has a clearer perspective than the other spouse.  Whatever the case, spend some time with each point and assign a number from 0 (not a problem at all) to 10 (deal breaker).  Ask yourself how much have you contributed to the problem and take responsibility for your actions before speaking with your spouse.  When you do speak with your spouse, be careful that your spouse’s issues do not outweigh your number of issues.  Remember to speak the truth in love to your spouse.

Learning.  Learning is a two-way street in a marriage.  You need to learn from your spouse and your spouse needs to learn from you.  This is not about getting your way or proving that you are better than your spouse.  If you want the marriage to survive through the depression then it is important to keep the long-term goal at the front of your mind.  There is no quicker way to destroy a marriage than to point out all of your spouse’s flaws, demand that they change, and then refuse to concede to any change yourself.  Learning means that you are receiving information, processing it, and doing something about it.  This is a gently process, not a forced one.

Your marriage can survive a depression.  Sometimes it helps to have another person such as a counselor or pastor come alongside you during the process to give an objective point of view.  Self-help books can be useful as well but both of you need to be willingly engaged in the process in order for the book to be effective.  Whatever the path you choose, know that your depression does not have to last for a lifetime, it can be just for a short season.

 

There is hope for your exhaustion.  Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

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How Do I Know If I Am Depressed?

crying-tears-of-joy-208913You struggle to keep on task and stay focused but your mind keeps wandering making the simplest of jobs take unusually long periods of time.  Is it ADD or depression?

You can’t seem to get motivated to do anything even things that you enjoy or used to enjoy.  Is it laziness or depression?

You have trouble getting to sleep and when you do you struggle to stay asleep waking up several times a night thinking about the same thing over and over.  Is it anger or depression?

You are tired all the time to the point of exhaustion where exercise is not even an option because it drains you of the last bit of energy you have.  Is it sickness or depression?

You wonder if life is even worth living or if you are really contributing something of value to your family or your work.  Is it a mid-life crisis or depression?

You are sad more than usual crying at commercials, movies, and other people’s problems but struggling to be emotional about your own issues.  Is it avoidance or depression?

Your weight has increased and the food that used to bring you pleasure is tasteless so you find yourself eating more to get the same effect.  Is it an addiction or depression?

You don’t feel like going out with friends and prefer instead to stay at home alone because no one seems to understand you.  Is it loneliness or depression?

You feel guilty for things you have done in the past and believe that you are worthless.  Is it remorse or depression?

Don’t self-diagnosis.  The problem with diagnosing your own condition is that depression can look like any one of the above issues: ADD, laziness, anger, sickness, mid-life crisis, avoidance, addiction, loneliness or remorse.  This is why it helps to have someone from the outside looking in on your life to see if you really are depressed or if something else is the problem.

Depression is not a momentary thing.  If you lose a document on your computer, you will be sad and even feel slightly depressed because it took you forever to write it but the feeling is not long lasting.  Rather, depression is something that dominates your life for a long period of time such as over several months and can be seen in more than one area of your life.  So if work is driving you crazy and every time you go into the office you feel sad and hopeless but when you go home and kiss your kids you are able to enjoy your time with them, it is not depression.

Do look at your circumstances.  Depression can be caused by many environmental factors such as the loss of a loved one, a decrease in daylight, bad news about a physical condition, your child’s behavioral problems, your spouse’s lack of attention, an out-of-control addiction, change in financial status, loss of employment, separation/divorce, or hormonal factors such as PMS, pregnancy, postpartum, or menopause.  It is normal to feel depressed during these times and since every circumstance is different, one person may feel depressed for a day while another may feel depressed for a year.

Depression comes in many forms.  There is not one type of depression rather there are many different forms of depression.  There is mild, moderate, severe, one-time, chronic, bi-polar, manic, seasonal, traumatic, postpartum, dysthymic, catatonic, melancholic, atypical, medical, cyclothymic, rapid-cycling, substance-induced, suicidal, and psychotic.  Knowing the type of depression you have often determines the treatment for the depression.

Don’t wait.  The bottom line is if you think you are struggling with depression, get professional help from a doctor, pastor or counselor.  There are very few types of depression that get better just with the passage of time; many of the other forms of depression actually worsen if left undiagnosed and untreated.

You can get better.  There is help.  There is hope.

 

There is hope for your exhaustion.  Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Sermon on Depression and Suicide

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You are exhausted, overwhelmed, and depressed with no apparent way to get out of your circumstances.  Sometimes that depression can sink so low it may seem as if the only way out is to take your life.  You are not alone in your struggle even though it seems that way most of the time.

If you are struggling with depression or know of someone who is, please read this tender yet honest sermon from Chris Erdman about the death of his friend and Pastor Jamie Evans.  I knew Jamie as a child as his parents were and still are dear friends of my parents.  His father, Louis Evans Jr., now deceased, was also my pastor at National Presbyterian Church in Washington D.C.  He taught me to have a passionate love for God in spite of my difficult circumstances or struggles.

I have nothing but fond memories of Jamie, his son, as he would often pick my brother and I up to attend youth functions at our church.  He was always so full of energy and life, so much fun to be around.  In fact, my first motorcycle ride, much to the dismay of my parents, was on the back of his bike.

This wonderfully written sermon is a testimony to Jamie’s life and struggles with ADHD, dyslexia and depression.  It reminds us of the importance of treating mental illness and not pretending everything is OK when it is not.  It is well worth your time to read and hopefully will be an inspiration to reach out for help when you are feeling depressed.

http://chriserdman.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/God-and-Suicide-Luke-13.31-35.pdf

 

There is hope for your exhaustion.  Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Related News Post:

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/04/07/church-members-open-services-with-prayer-for-pastor-rick-warren-after-suicide/?test=latestnews

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