Tag Archives: working woman

Help! My Child Has Become a Teenager

Child angry at parentsIt seems like it happened all at once.  One moment you were praising your kid for being so good and the next thing you know he/she is a completely different child in a foreign looking body.

Not only are the clothing choices a bit different but the shoe size is rapidly increasing, the attitude is becoming disturbing, the vocabulary adds new shock value, the interests are unusual, and your once sweet child became a hormonal teenager with mood swings so high and low you need a score card to keep up.  To make matters worse, parenting is stressful as you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye on what is normal teenage behavior and abnormal teenage behavior.

Beginning at age twelve, your child develops critical thinking skills which literally transforms your child’s mind from being receptive to your opinion into questioning your opinion.  The goal of this age is to help your child develop strong critical thinking skills not to impair them during the process.

You can impair them by demanding that everything be done your way without questioning and without explanation.  While this is practical at a younger age, it is not during the teenage years where peers begin to have a greater influence than before.  Think about it for a second, which would you rather have: a teen who questions what others tell them or a teen who believes everything others tell them?

Hormones.  Imagine PMS times 10 for a teenage girl or a mid-life crisis times 20 for a teenage boy, now you have a better understanding of the intensity of hormones running through their body.  No, this is not justification for poor behavior but it does explain the origin of the mood swings.  It is hard to remember that these hormones are new to your child. Afterall, it took you many years to become use to your own emotional mood swings and it will take many years for your child to adjust as well.  This is a process, not a one-time event and expecting anything less or more immediate will only intensify your frustration.

Respect.  Your once respectful child is likely to become disrespectful with you lately for unknown reasons.  With such repeatedly poor behavior it is easy to make your child’s disrespectful attitude the subject of nearly every conversation. This is unproductive.  Instead, begin with the end goal in mind of having a good relationship with your child. Pay attention to what your child is really saying rather than how they say it.  Really listen to your child by finding some area of common agreement however small, then address the disrespect.  Your child will be more likely to positively respond to your requests after you have heard theirs.

Love.  I Corinthians 13:4a says that love is first patient and then kind.  As your child’s parent, you must first be patient with them and then kind.  This means that no matter how long it takes for your child to demonstrate a loving attitude towards you, you must continue to patiently wait for them with kindness in your voice.  This is loving behavior that is fitting for a parent.  It does not mean that your child can walk all over you and be repeatedly rude. It does however mean that when your child is rude, you don’t return the rudeness but act lovingly.

Discipline.  The days of time-outs are over. If you don’t know your child really well, you will not be effective in disciplining them now.  For instance, if video games are your child’s thing, then taking away the video games as punishment is effective.  But you can’t take it away all the time or the punishment will lose its’ effectiveness.  Basically you must have a variety of interests which you can draw from when needed.  Yet you also need an absolute bottom line such as boarding school, reform school, or some alternative program always in your back pocket and ready to bring forward when needed.  If it comes to this, don’t back down, that is not loving behavior.

Teenagers are an interesting group of people and no matter how difficult you might struggle with them; they are well worth the effort.  One day you will look back fondly on these years and perhaps gain a couple of really good stories to share with their kids one day.

 

There is hope for your exhaustion.  Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

Advertisements

How Exhaustion in Women Decreases Work Productivity

The Exhausted Woman's HandbookSamantha believed things would be easier with her latest promotion. But they weren’t. Things were actually worse. The increase in income helped but the demands of her job meant less time for her family. Her high standards which contributed greatly to her success now impeded her both at work and home. Disappointed about her performance, Samantha’s exhaustion grew into paralysis.

Perhaps you have a similar story. In the past, multi-tasking came naturally. You even gained energy from doing so many things at once. Now it seems as if your brain can’t function, let alone do more than one thing at a time.

There are two kinds of exhaustion. One is physical from the demands of a busy overbooked schedule. The other is psychological due to unmet needs, expectations, ambitions, and hopes. It is compounded by tragedies, disappointments, rejections, and harsh realities. And it has encompassed nearly every aspect of your life including your ability to perform at work.

Here are four ways exhaustion negatively contributes to decreased work productivity:

  • Over-attentive – You become fixated on new, unrealistic problems instead of focusing on the immediate existing problems. By directing your limited energy to unlikely issues, you are escaping from reality. Since these scenarios have little change of occurring, you are able to imagine success. It is just like playing a video game, but the game is in your head. Similar to video junkies, work is abandoned to your imagination.
  • Over-burdened – You already juggle too many balls in the air at one time. While trying to catch a few more, a couple of them come crashing to the ground. The fear of more balls falling propels you to never turn your brain off. At work you are reminded of things at home, at home you are thinking about work. It is a vicious cycle of constant pondering, worrying, and even paranoia.
  • Over-committed – How many times have you said, “If I want something to be done right, I have to do it myself?” Taking on excessive responsibility or feeling obligated to take on other’s responsibility will leave you exhausted quickly. It also has a side effect of discouragement as you begin to lose faith in the very people who should be supporting you.
  • Over-competitive – Are you driven to achieve in every area of life at one time, with no allowances for failure, disappointment, or loss? Would you expect the same level of drivenness from your best friend? While such a drive can be useful in the work place, it can also be destructive. Viewing those around you as competition erodes at a teamwork environment and increases frustration.

There is hope for your exhaustion. It can be beat. Acknowledgment is the first step towards healing, the next is taking some new action. Try these suggestions:

  • Over-attentive – Imagination is a good thing in small doses. Set aside some time to imagine that doesn’t take away from work or home. An ideal time would be your drive time.
  • Over-burdened – Work issues should be handled at work and home things should be done at home. If you have to mix the two, set aside ½ hour during work to deal with home matters and vice versa.
  • Over-committed – Once you have given a project over to another person, it is their responsibility and not yours. By doing it for them, you are rescuing them and they will never learn that way.
  • Over-competitive – If you like to compete, establish friendly contests allowing others to willingly take part if they choose. Don’t force a competitive environment as many people don’t thrive this way.

Don’t let exhaustion take over. Your work productivity can be better and you can find freedom from your exhaustion.

 

For more tips, read Christine Hammond’s new book, The Exhausted Woman’s Handbook. You may purchase it at Xulon Press, Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and iBooks. Or just click on the picture on the right.

Join us for a webinar and a FREE copy of the book.  For more information, click http://growwithchristine.wix.com/exhaustedhandbook

Repairing, restoring, and rebuilding relationships takes time, energy and effort.  If you find yourself needing more help during this process, please call our offices at 407-647-7005 to schedule an appointment.  Or you can send me a quick email at chammond@lifeworksgroup.org.

%d bloggers like this: